I Don’t Hear Anything

5 Aug

The Night Listener has a really interesting premise: Gabriel Noone, a depressed radio host, develops a phone relationship with a young, sexually-abused boy and his foster mother, but comes to doubt that the boy actually exists after a few too many things don’t add up. Unfortunately, that’s about all it has. Despite a decent performance by Robin Williams, the film doesn’t really go anywhere (not counting Wisconsin). Instead, you sit there waiting for something to happen and nothing really ever does. So, I’m giving The Night Listener a C.

Take the Money and Run

5 Aug

After my last gambling experience, I felt there were some wrongs that needed to be righted, so I agreed to meet my dad and Jason at Foxwoods today for a boys’ day out.

I hit the blackjack table soon after arriving, went up $35, felt confident (and hungry), so I took a break for brunch.

Perhaps I jumped back into the action too quickly, because I promptly lost that $35 and then about $95 more.

But, luck was with me today. Continue reading →

Saturday Morning Battle Royale

4 Aug

Will it be Kelly Taylor or Felicity Porter?
Brandon Walsh or Ben Covington?
The Peach Pit or Epstein Bar?

These are the questions that occupy my mind now, since the good people at Comcast have added SoapNet to my cable lineup (no, I didn’t ask for it). As I’ve previously revealed, my Saturdays don’t begin until 12 noon every week because I sit on the couch watching Felicity reruns on the WE channel from 10 a.m. to 12. And now, with Beverly Hills, 90210 on SoapNet from 9 a.m. to 12, I’ve got a real problem.

Yes, I realize I’m male and straight and I’ve got much better things to do with my life. But these two shows are great guilty pleasures of mine, and to be totally honest — at the risk of total embarrassment — I’m quite excited about this addition to my Saturday morning plan. But what will I do? Please help me decide.

Which program should I watch?
Felicity
Beverly Hills, 90210
Neither. Get a life, dude
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Snakes on Your Phone

3 Aug

If you’re like me, then you just can’t wait to see the new flick Snakes on a Plane. But maybe you know someone who isn’t as excited to see this movie as you are. Maybe Samuel L. Jackson needs to send a message that he or she should be excited, and should go see this movie. Just click here, follow the simple instructions, and Sam the Man himself will call your friend or sister or brother or fiancee or husband or wife or coworker (etc. etc. etc.) and send a personalized message that SoaP is a movie not to be missed. (No, really. He will.) Speaking of missed, didja get that link? It’s snakesonaplane.varitalk.com. Now do it … now!

Weather Report

3 Aug

“The weather out there today is hot and shitty with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy with a pissy weather front coming down from the north. Basically, it’s hotter than a snake’s ass in a wagon rut.”
— “Walter Cronkite,” Good Morning Vietnam

The Weather Outside Is Frightful

2 Aug

With temperatures nearing (but not reaching) record highs in Boston today (I mean, it was so hot), I figured the only sane way to deal with it was to break out some Christmas music. So that’s what I did. Rather than a playlist full of songs like “Surfin’ U.S.A.,” “Margaritaville,” or “Beautiful Day,” I was grooving to tracks like “Jingle Bells,” “Let It Snow,” and “Winter Wonderland.” Admittedly, it didn’t really keep me cool, but it sure was fun. Damn, though. It was really hot out!

Quote of the Day

2 Aug

“Man it’s hot. It’s like Africa hot. Tarzan couldn’t take this kind of hot.”
— Eugene Morris Jerome, Biloxi Blues

Bring Out the Goat

1 Aug

Women think they have a pretty easy solution for dealing with a skin blemish.

All they do is apply some makeup, or strategically style their hair, and voila! the blemish is gone. (No, that’s not a sweeping generalization or stereotype. Not at all. Ha ha ha.)

Well, I like to think men have just as simple a solution. It’s a game I like to call “Fun with Facial Hair!” (Yes, the exclamation point is part of the trademarked name.) Continue reading →

Hey, I Know That Guy

1 Aug

If you turn to page 82 of the new Improper Bostonian (with Josh Beckett on the cover), you may see a familiar face smiling and standing in front of the Bronson Gates on the Paramount Pictures studio lot (and yes, holding up a picture of the Improper).

It’s me (big surprise), and it’s a picture taken during my recent trip to L.A.

That picture in particular was taken by Todd when I visited him at work. (He actually had to take it twice until I got it just right. This one here is the other one we took.)

Alright, so it’s not the “Improperazzi” or the “Proper Bostonians” section (which I still would love to be in one day), but this has to be the next best thing, right?

It’s definitely better than the “Improper Impersonals,” that’s for sure. I’ve already been in that section (against my wishes).

Lesson Learned?

31 Jul

Look away. I’m hideous.

Yes, I’ve done it again. Went to the beach yesterday — specifically, Wingaersheek Beach in Gloucester — and used that Coppertone spray stuff (it was SPF 30 this time).

But despite the almost perfect weather (not beastly hot, not blindingly sunny), I still wound up with a bad sunburn.

And it’s a bit worse than the last time: my back is red (or at least the right side of it is), my upper lip is burnt (I actually went out and bought Blistex for it), I’ve got a red neck, and my face? Well, someone this morning asked me if I’d slept in a radiation zone last night because I’ve got that redness below my eyes again.

But since I haven’t scared any young children yet, I’m going to say he was just exaggerating. Continue reading →

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