Thanks for Nothing

29 Sep

To the two women who brought their two young children to the 2:50 p.m. showing of In the Valley of Elah at the AMC Boston Common theater today …

You suck. You really, really, really suck.

Why do you suck? Do I really need to tell you?

Well, maybe it’s because you took your kids to the movies on a beautiful day when they could have played outside.

No, maybe it’s because of all the movies you could have taken them to, you took them to the R-rated In the Valley of Elah, instead of something more kid-friendly like The Game Plan or Sydney White.

No, maybe it’s because you didn’t sit next to them so you could watch them.

No, maybe it’s because when they talked all throughout the movie and disturbed not just me but the other moviegoers, you didn’t sufficiently tell them to behave.

No, maybe it’s because although you did shush them — and did so repeatedly — they didn’t behave, and you should have removed them from the theater.

Yeah, that’s it.

And because you didn’t adequately manage your kids’ behavior, it distracted me and the others from watching and enjoying the movie.

Did you not know anything about this movie? It was heavy and dramatic and not appropriate for young (no older than 8 or 9 years old) children.

I mean, what were you thinking when there were two scenes that took place in a strip joint, and there was all that profanity?

I mean, really.

When the movie began, and Tommy Lee Jones’ character said the f-word, the kids both said “Oooooooh,” in a scolding tone.

They did this twice.

When there was a chase scene and Charlize Theron’s character tripped, the kids giggled.

They talked, off and on, throughout the movie.

They were fidgety and their chairs kept squeeking.

They were kneeling on their chairs and looking back at the rest of the people in the theater.

They kept opening and closing their bag of popcorn.

Need I go on?

I mean, when you took them to the bathroom in the middle of the movie, did you not say something to them?

Instead of focusing on the movie, I spent much of the movie deliberating which would be the more effective response: getting up, walking over to your kids and telling them to shut up, or getting up and asking you to please keep your kids quiet.

I would have gone outside and found an usher to do something, but I was enjoying the movie in spite of your kids and didn’t want to leave.

And hell, it’s the AMC Boston Common — there’s never an usher around; I would have missed a good chunk of the movie just looking for someone.

So I sat there, unhappy.

At one point, I leaned forward in my seat, looked over at the kids, and gave the stink eye to one of them. She clearly saw me and said something to her friend/brother/whatever.

They got quiet, but minutes later they were chattering again.

Do you want to know how annoyed you made me?

When the movie was over and you were standing outside the theater with your kids and they were playing around, I actually considered hitting one. Of course, I never would have done that, but I’m just trying to demonstrate how pissed off I was.

Had this been a movie like The Game Plan or Shrek, I would have been a little more patient. But this was In the Valley of Elah, an Iraq War–related drama. I think I’m justified in my anger here.

So yes, ladies, you suck. I hope I never see you and your kids in the movies again.

Sincerely,
Martin

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One Response to “Thanks for Nothing”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Down in the Valley « Martin's Musings - May 23, 2012

    […] I wish I could review In the Valley of Elah fairly, but watching it was not a great experience. […]

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