Martin's Musings

I’ll keep this one short. Keeping Up with the Steins begins with a hysterically over-the-top Titanic-themed Bar Mitzvah that takes place aboard a cruise ship and actually features the guest-of-honor yelling out, “I’m king of the Torah!” But that’s the high point. Soon after, the movie becomes a better-than-average movie-with-a-message, perfect for Hebrew school viewing. For mainstream audiences, much less non-Jewish ones, I don’t think the movie’s all that great or worth seeing. Jeremy Piven does his Jeremy Piven thing, but he’s more enjoyable on Entourage. So, Steins gets a C+ from me.

Sigh. So breakups are never easy, and sometimes they’re quite painful. The Break-Up is one of those. At the end of it you’re mentally drained from having Vince Vaughn yelling at you and from watching Jennifer Aniston just completely beaten down and emotionally spent. (What, you expected this to be a happy movie? Silly you. It’s called The Break-Up!) The film is so meanspirited and negative-toned that you don’t even want this couple to get back together, unlike in some other movies with a similar plot that are sweet at their core. Sure, there are some good lines, but Vince Vaughn doesn’t seem to have the same wickedly funny but good natured streak he had in Wedding Crashers. Here he’s just cruel and stupid, and nowhere near loveable. And while it’s good to see him and Jon Favreau back together on the screen, ultimately, all I could think of was: man-oh-man, did Jon Favreau ever get heavy. So that adds to the sad feeling after seeing this movie. I mean, yeah, Jen does looks great. And I got a good chuckle from Justin Long’s performance. But because the movie is 10-15 minutes too long and at times it’s just not funny (and not in a failed way), I’m still giving The Break-Up a C+.

Alright, so X-Men: The Last Stand is a big, exciting summer movie, full of action and big, important speeches and cool special effects. But it’s a bit darker (visually) and colder than the previous two X-Men films, and it doesn’t have the same, I dunno, heart that the other two had. In fact, this one feels more functional, more run-of-the-mill, more routine, and more blunt. Which is a shame, because as comic book movies go, the X-Men films have been better than most. They all deal with prejudice, but this one feels the most heavy-handed, thematically. Still, X3 does have its moments of fun, including the final battle sequence, so I’ll give this third film a B — for Beast, because that character is a trip. How funny it is to see Kelsey Grammer bulked up with blue fur and makeup.

You know a movie’s bad when you spend the bulk of it thinking of what title you’re going to give your review. Hmmm … “It’s a Disaster?” “A New Low?” “Waterlogged?” “That Sinking Feeling?” Or maybe “Going Down.” Well, whatever you call it — and I like what I chose — Poseidon is a pretty bad movie. It starts with the first shot of the boat, which looks totally fake and unbelievable. And it really only gets worse from there, with lame dialogue, forced acting, and a character whose actual name in the credits is “Lucky Larry” (I’ll give you one guess if he makes it out alive). Perhaps the best part about the movie is how efficient it is; it takes just 5 or 10 minutes for the wave to hit and turn the ship upside down. Why get held up with all that pesky plot and character development, right? Hell, there’s not even an impending sense of doom or a warning or anything. The wave just appears, hit the boat, and the movie gets underway with these characters you don’t know and don’t care about — and really, don’t even like — trying to find a way out. But anyway, no need to belabour the point. The original Poseidon Adventure was no Shakespearean classic or anything, and I haven’t seen it in years, but it was infinitely better than this waste of time remake. It’s not even ridiculously funny bad, it’s just bad. So, Poseidon gets a C– on the Martin Meter.

Mission: Impossible 3 is alright. Tom Cruise is at his enthusiastic, speaking-with-such-forced-integrity, stunt-happy best, and there are some good action scenes, but all told, I wasn’t blown away.

First off, it’s funny to even call this the third movie in the Mission Impossible series. Since each film was directed by a different director and, with few exceptions, has a different cast, there’s hardly any continuity between them. This one just felt like an action flick, independent of the series.

In fact, were it not for the theme song, it probably could have been a big-screen, male-centered episode of Alias.

I mean, the movie plays in a number of ways like an early episode of the show: Ethan keeps his real job a secret from those he loves, there’s a kooky computer/IT guy, there’s a torture scene that takes place in a dentist’s chair in China, plenty of disguises, and oh yeah, even Greg Grunberg has a quick cameo (he is writer/director J.J. Abrams’ best friend and J.J. puts him in most everything he does).

The only real difference is that Tom Cruise doesn’t kick ass like Jennifer Garner does. (Or did.) Continue reading →

This story is a couple days old now, but last week, an employee in a Norfolk, Mass., jail showed Brokeback Mountain to the inmates. When the “by-the-book warden” caught wind of what movie was being shown, he ordered it be turned off immediately. Politics aside, here’s my real problem with this: they turned off the movie with just 10 minutes to go. Now, I don’t care what movie they were watching. You don’t turn a movie off so close to the end. I mean, sure, I’m all for punishing criminals, and I didn’t exactly think Brokeback ended sooooo well (though I did see it twice and liked it), but still … show the whole movie and then reprimand this employee. Turning off a movie so close to the end is just not cool.

When Friends with Money begins, you’re inclined to sympathize with Olivia, who is the only single member in a group of four women friends, three of whom are rich.

Olivia goes from one dead-end career to another (presently, she’s a maid) and one dead-end relationship to another. She’s so directionless and inert that her friends, when discussing which valuable cause they’re giving their money to, joke that they should give it to her.

In fact, the only real thing she has going for her is that she’s played by Jennifer Aniston.

Friends with Money would therefore have you hate Olivia’s friends because they are all so self-involved with their own lives, and the seeming glory of having a spouse and a house and kids and money, that they are completely oblivious to how unhappy Olivia is.

One of their spouses even says, “She doesn’t look unhappy.”

Well, one of the great things about this movie is that you come to see that the friends are not ignoring Olivia’s predicament at all. Instead, they each have significant problems of their own, from crumbling marriages to anger and resentment.

Thus, you have equal sympathy for all four of the women, and the film becomes a true ensemble piece about what defines happiness and success and friendship. Continue reading →