Archive | 7:45 pm

Sorry, Wrong Number

29 Dec

Yesterday, as I was leaving my apartment, I noticed that Yellowbook had dropped off the 2009 phone books.

Do you know how many they left us? Sixteen.

Do you know how many people live in my building? Exactly six.

Any moron with a pair of eyes could see that there are only six mailboxes here, and the phone books are all stacked up right underneath them.

And now it’s a day and a half later, and all 16 are still there, untouched.

So on behalf of my neighbors and the entire earth, I have this to say to the folks at Yellowbook: “Thanks, but no thanks. Next time, save the trees and don’t bother giving us any.”

Mr. Kowalski’s Neighborhood

29 Dec

In Gran Torino, Clint Eastwood plays a grizzled old man named Walt Kowalski.

A Korean War veteran, Walt is one of those Midwestern guys so set in his ways and his beliefs that the slightest deviation sets him off. He’s intolerant of others who aren’t like him, insulting to every race, and he doesn’t have much incentive to change his ways.

He’s Archie Bunker without the laugh track.

To paraphrase someone else’s metaphor, he’s John McCain in a Barack Obama world.

So as you might assume, Walt’s not taking too kindly to the Hmong people who have moved next door (and throughout his neighborhood) and who are disrupting his status quo. Continue reading