Archive | 4:01 am

Ahoy There, Mateys!

19 Sep

About 10 years ago, a bunch of guys playing racquetball discovered that speaking in pirate slang made playing the game more fun. They decided that as long as there is a holiday for everything else, there needed to be a holiday to celebrate this kind of thing too, and began calling September 19 “Talk Like a Pirate Day.” Writer Dave Barry heard about it some years later, and in 2002 he wrote a column about the guys. Well, the rest is history. So today I bring you this special announcement …

Today is the 11th annual International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

In the spirit of the day, and with thanks to, here are some key words that will help you to talk like a pirate:

Ahoy! — “Hello!”

Avast! — Stop and give attention. It can be used in a sense of surprise, “Whoa! Get a load of that!” which today makes it more of a “Check it out” or “No way!” or “Get off!”

Aye! — “Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just said or did.”

Aye aye! — “I’ll get right on that sir, as soon as my break is over.”

Arrr! — This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. “Arrr!” can mean, variously, “yes,” “I agree,” “I’m happy,” “I’m enjoying this beer,” “My team is going to win it all,” “I saw that television show, it sucked!” and “That was a clever remark you or I just made.” And those are just a few of the myriad possibilities of Arrr!

… Really, it’s just that simple. (I guess pirate vocabulary doesn’t go much past the A’s.) But if you need help translating your common English to pirate-speak, here’s a handy translator that will do it for you. Just click on “ahoy!” And if you want even more fun, try speaking — I mean, talking like a German pirate. (These guys clearly have too much time on their hands.

But remember one thing: it’s Talk Like a Pirate Day, not Dress Like a Pirate Day. So you can participate without calling too much attention to yourself.

Consider this the most valuable PSA you’ll read today.

George Bush Hates Black … Sabbath

19 Sep

Laughed pretty hard at the Emmy awards this evening. Ellen DeGeneres was her usual funny self, Zach Braff’s English accent was hysterical, the montages of comedy show writing staffs were great as always, the Eva Longoria jokes at the start of the show were good, and Jon Stewart … man, that guy just rocks.

And it’s a good thing I laughed as hard as I did because the awards themselves made me wanna scream. I mean, the fact that Terry O’Quinn, ahem, lost for his performance on Lost was just a crime. It also would have been nice had Jeremy Piven won for his performance on Entourage, so the fact that the award went to Brad Garrett of all people was just annoying. I mean, it’s so frustrating when the same people win (or are nominated) year after year. Thank God it was Everybody Loves Raymond‘s last season — and that this is Will & Grace‘s last season.

On the other hand, big ups to J.J. Abrams for his Emmy win, to S. Epatha Merkerson for beating Halle Berry and giving the most memorable acceptance speech of the night, and of course, to Lost for winning Best Drama Series. And I’m so happy that Felicity Huffman won for best lead actress on a comedy; her role on Desperate Housewives might not be the most comedic, but she’s overdue for recognition.

It was also nice to see David Letterman make a rare Emmy appearance. His tribute to Johnny Carson, while serious and maybe a bit too long, was heartfelt and well done. No surprise. Here’s just a short quote from an AP story about the show:

Letterman recalled how Carson was asked once by a Tonight show audience member what had made him a star. “I started out in a gaseous state and then I cooled,” Carson said.
“Johnny Carson’s star never cooled,” Letterman said.

Simple and perfect. And then Jon Stewart’s line soon after — “The way that he feels about Johnny Carson is the way that all of us, the comedians of our era, feel about him” — was not only so great, but also a nice slap in Jay Leno’s face.

I suppose it was also nice to see Desperate Housewives get, I suppose some would say robbed of its Emmy for Best Comedy Series, but did it have to go to Everybody Loves Raymond? I mean, really. Though I guess as long as it wasn’t Will & Grace, I have to be happy.

Finally, no offense to my friends and family members who have or will be pregnant, but has a woman with child ever looked as beautiful as Jennifer Garner did?

Ahhhhh … awards shows. You’ve gotta love ’em. Or at least I do.

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