3 Movies You Should Skip Before the End of the World

7 Dec

2012 movie posterIf the Mayans were right, then we are just two weeks away from the end of the world.

On that day — December 21, 2012 — a series of cataclysmic, catastrophic events are predicted to occur, such as the arrival of the next solar maximum, an interaction between Earth and the black hole at the center of the galaxy, or Earth’s collision with a planet called “Nibiru.”

In layman’s terms, we’re talking a disaster of Biblical proportions. Dogs and cats living together. That kind of stuff.

Of course, the end of the world has been predicted before, and we’re still here.

But on the off-chance that this time it’s actually going to happen — and there have been signs that this is all legit — I don’t wanna waste any of my remaining precious few hours.

If the world will, in fact, be ending on December 21, here are three movies I will definitely not be rewatching — and you shouldn’t, either.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

In this lame movie from this past summer, the Earth is going to be hit by a 70-mile-long asteroid in three weeks’ time, and not even Bruce Willis can stop it. The news gives everyone the chance to live it up with no consequences, but that’s not what Dodge (Steve Carell) does. He decides to spend his remaining days going in search of his high school sweetheart, with the help of a depressed neighbor (played by Keira Knightley) who missed her last chance to fly home and see her family.

Because we’re short on time, I’ll spoil the ending for you: They fall in love. How predictable.

Seeking a Friend has a lot of questionable things going on, such as that romantic “twist,” and it never really takes full advantage of its potential for good comedy at the expense of the apocalypse. So don’t waste your time on it.

2012

John Cusack heads up this classic (if Roland Emmerich films can be called “classics”) disaster flick about the end of the world. It’s full of preposterous plot points, close calls, cheeseball lines of dialogue (“I thought we’d have more time,” etc.), stubborn government officials, a good-hearted scientist, a rich jerk who doesn’t make it to the end of the movie, and a lot of cool special effects.

Seriously cool special effects.

But what the movie boasts in technical wizardry, it’s lacking in script quality and common sense. With only two weeks left, if a completely stupid but really cool movie is exactly what you’re looking for, then let this one be the one. I suppose there’s nothing I can do to stop you.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

This third film in the Pirates series was a vast improvement over part two, Dead Man’s Chest. There are some good laughs, some great effects, a thrilling final battle sequence, beautiful photography, and plenty of Johnny Depp’s charm.

But it’s also a movie with an epic length, and really, who wants to sit through something like that — especially when they can’t see it on the big screen?

Just in case

Hopefully the world won’t be ending in two weeks. But if it’s really gonna happen (and who can really say it won’t?), then you should spend your remaining days with friends and family, and doing fun stuff. Not watching these three movies.

Let’s say the world really is going to end in two weeks. How would you spend your remaining time? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

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