Happy Birthday?

Here we are again.

It’s my birthday.

Number 37.

The Day of All Days.

Let this blog post serve as my traditional “taking stock” blog post, even though this year, truth be told, I’m not all that sure how I’m doing on this most special of days.

I know I’m doing better than I was last year, and I think I’m happy — but you shouldn’t think you’re happy, right?

You should know.

This year, I just don’t know how I feel.

The truth is, I’m tired.

Tired of being complacent.

Tired of being lazy and inert.

Tired of feeling frustrated, disappointed, and let down.

Tired of being irritated, bitter, and angry.

Tired of being fickle.

Tired of settling.

Tired of dealing.

Tired of rolling with the punches.

Tired of waiting.

Tired of being patient.

Tired of letting life happen without me.

Tired of not caring enough to do anything about it.

I’m 37. This is not how things are supposed to be.

This is not how I used to be.

So today, I find myself in need of a major kick in the ass.

A jump start.

A hitting of the restart button.

A refresh.

It’s kind of like when I turned 30 and decided to throw myself out of a plane. I need to make change happen, and I need to start with myself.

But forget all this.

Today is my birthday.

Today I want to be happy.

Today I will be happy.

There will be celebration, and much merriment will be made.

There will be friends and laughter and good times.

And cupcakes — I suspect that today there will be lots of cupcakes.

Then tomorrow I will wake up and start the task of finding real happiness, so that I can say definitively that I am happy.

And on that note, happy birthday to me.

Here’s to a great year ahead.