Martin's Musings

When you go see a movie like Piranha 3D, you don’t go expecting it to be good.

You go hoping it’ll be so bad that it’s awesome fun, that the filmmakers and the audience will be in on the joke just as much as you are, and that you won’t regret the past two hours when the lights go up. (You know, like The Expendables or Snakes on a Plane.)

Unfortunately, Piranha 3D is just bad. (Keep your “I told you so”s to yourself, please.)

It’s not funny, it’s not silly enough, it’s misogynistic, sexist, gratuitous, ridiculous (not in a good way), and it features some truly bad special effects and lots of unnecessary 3D. Continue reading →

The first five minutes of The Expendables tell you everything you need to know about the movie: A group of mercenaries bust up a kidnapping aboard an ocean vessel not by killing the pirates, but by destroying them. The mercenaries’ firepower is just too robust for the pirates’ bodies, and the kidnappers explode in blood and guts. The audience erupts in cheers and applause, and we’re off and running. (Actually, at the screening I was at, people were cheering from the second Sylvester Stallone’s name first appeared on screen.) Awwwww yeah!

Yes, The Expendables is that kind of movie. It is to action flicks what the Oceans series was to heist films: That is to say, it boasts an all-star cast (Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crewes, Steve Austin, Dolph Lundgren, etc.) and it’s great fun. But whereas the Oceans films were big on style, The Expendables is big on, well, size. There’s a ton of explosions, a ton of action, a ton of muscle and testosterone. The plot’s nothing to get excited about — really, it’s just an excuse to get these guys all together blowin’ sh!t up — and neither is the screenplay. But if you go to the theater simply expecting a good time, then you won’t be disappointed. Nearly every member of the cast gets his image tweaked (including the Governator himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger, who joins with Bruce Willis for a quick cameo), people get beaten up and blown away in increasingly more amusing ways, and 110 minutes later, you walk away with a big smile on your face.

Dismiss it as a big, loud summer action film if you will, but don’t deny that The Expendables is one of the more enjoyable movies of the season so far. I’m giving it a B+.

The Other Guys is the movie Dinner for Schmucks wanted to be. That is to say, it’s a funny pairing of two guys in a high-concept big-screen summer comedy. Oh, and did I mention it’s funny?

Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg star as Allen and Terry, two desk clerks for the NYPD, who get the chance to be heroes when the conventional hero-types die and Allen and Terry uncover something sketchy involving a Bernie Madoff–like financial executive.

Directed by Ferrell’s longtime collaborator Adam McKay (Step Brothers), The Other Guys is a bit too long, doesn’t always do right by Wahlberg, and it loses steam about two-thirds of the way in. But it starts funny and ends funny, Eva Mendes is good, and I laughed a great deal more than I did at the aforementioned Schmucks. Continue reading →