Thankful for True Friends and So Much More

On October 7, I was in Chicago enjoying a fun weekend with friends. But I awoke that morning to the shocking news of the attack on Israel by Hamas and the deaths of a then-unknown number of people. As the day went on, the details became grimmer, and I was thankful to be out of town and busy, otherwise I surely would have been firmly planted in front of the TV all day watching for the latest developments. (Checking in on Twitter was more than enough, for better and for worse.)

Since then, I’ve been horrified by what we’ve learned about the attack and just how brutal it was. Not only were between 1,200 and 1,400 innocent men, women, and children murdered, and not only were more than 240 people taken hostage, they were beaten, raped, mutilated, beheaded, tortured, and more. Early on a Shabbat morning, a day that was also a Jewish holiday. Elderly. Babies. Disabled people. Young people enjoying a music festival. Some were burned beyond recognition and still have not been identified, all these weeks later. Parents were taken from their children and children were taken from their parents right in front of them. All of this was carried out with glee by terrorist monsters who documented it on camera, celebrated it, had plans for it to be much worse than it was, and saw October 7 as just the first in a series of attacks on Israel. One Hamas leader actually said the terrorist group intended to launch “a second, a third, a fourth” attack until Israel is “annihilated,” as if it was perfectly normal thing to say and do.

Despite those details, I’ve been equally horrified by the reaction of the world, and the fact that people didn’t instantly, universally condemn what happened, and haven’t come to Israel’s defense as it fights to defeat Hamas once and for all and bring all of the hostages back home. It didn’t even take a day for sentiments like “Israel deserved it” to spread all around the globe.

The rapid increase in antisemitic incidents all over the world over the last six weeks has only aggravated the situation, and now it feels like there’s nonstop anti-Israel and anti-Jew activity. One seems to be encouraging and emboldening the other.

Every day seems to bring with it video clips of people (some of them undereducated or simply misinformed) in the streets or on college campuses chanting incendiary and hateful slogans, holding up signs calling for the elimination of Israel and of Jews themselves, inciting violence, ripping down posters of the hostages, threatening synagogues and Jewish day schools and Jewish-owned businesses and their Jewish classmates, and pushing not for peace but for more killing and destruction. For example, just this past weekend, a group of neo-Nazis marched on the state Capitol in Madison, Wisconsin, chanting “Israel is not our friend” and threatening “there will be blood.”

That, or I’m seeing people call for a ceasefire or express sympathy for the people in Gaza, and not once acknowledge the hostages taken or the many, many people who were killed on October 7, or think about what might happen if Israel stopped defending itself from an ever-present and self-avowed terrorist threat. Very few people, if any, are making the same demands of Hamas that they’re making of Israel. And they’re flat-out ignoring all the irrefutable proof of war crimes committed by Hamas.

Over and over and over again, I hear people saying unapologetically, right out in the open, that they don’t care about Israel or Israelis or Jewish people, they don’t believe what happened on October 7 actually happened, they believe what happened was justified, they think Israel deserved it, they support Hamas’ cause (even though they don’t understand it), and, worst of all, they wish people like me were dead.

And the world just moves on.

If you were me, how would all of this make you feel?

Suffice it to say, these last six-and-a-half weeks since the October 7 massacre have been a sad, frustrating, hurtful, disappointing, traumatic, infuriating, scary, confusing, disheartening, overwhelming, stressful, and exhausting period of time. 

I’ve been distracted on a daily basis, doom-scrolling more than I’d like to be. I may not comment on everything, but I’ve seen it all. My “response,” for what it’s worth, has been to fill my own social media feeds with posts almost exclusively focused on standing up for Israel, fellow Jews, and myself; ones that keep the focus on the hostages; and ones that celebrate Judaism. Unfortunately, many days it feels like I’m screaming into a void. But I keep doing it.

Meanwhile, I’ve seen my thoughts on Israel’s response and the situation overall align more with right-wing politicos than with the liberal Democrats I typically agree with, and I’ve been reading, listening to, watching, and amplifying media sources I wouldn’t otherwise be consuming. Yes, I know a lot of these politicians and pundits are probably (cynically) motivated more by anti-Arab sentiment than by pro-Jew and pro-Israel sentiment, so that only adds to the uneasy alignment. It’s weird, to say the least.

Most importantly, this time has been eye opening — and not in a good way. These last few weeks have revealed, reminded me, and in some cases confirmed, who my — our — true friends are. And who they’re not.

They’re not those who’ve kept silent, sharing not even a single social post, even though these people have been quick to publicly support other causes in the past. They’re not those who’ve advocated a “both sides” perspective and think there’s a moral equivalency in this war. They’re not those who don’t protect Jewish people on college campuses — or anywhere, really — but who do protect the “free speech” of those who want to cause us harm. They’re not those progressive or “woke” types who miss the irony, the contradiction, of their protesting in support of this particular terrorist organization. They’re not secular Jews or non-Jews who think all of this doesn’t affect them, so they can therefore ignore it. They’re not those who immediately cite unreliable, propagandistic information but always demand that more trustworthy sources provide proof (which these people won’t believe anyway). And they’re definitely not those who’ve supported faux-Jewish groups like JVP and INN (I can’t even spell out their full names without cringing) and their ubiquitous protests that don’t reflect the views of most actual Jewish people.

Rather, my/our true friends are those who haven’t remained silent about what’s been going on. Those who’ve been publicly advocating for and supporting and defending Jewish people and Israel as vigorously as they do Black people and immigrants and gay people and women, etc. Those who’ve actively called out and condemned the rampant antisemitism and the hypocrisy of the world’s response (or lack thereof). Those who’ve supported Jewish-owned businesses in a time of need. Those who’ve reached out to me and others to express their concern and/or support. Yes, most of these people are Jewish. Yes, some of them I’ve only been interacting with online, on social media. But I’ve reconnected with some of them off of social media because of what’s going on, and that’s been nice. If you’re in this community, you know who you are. (And you should know who you aren’t.)

These people have made me feel less alone. They’ve enabled me and encouraged me to live even louder as a Jewish American, and they’ve given me the confidence to feel that Israel will win — and that, when all this is over, the Jewish people will be stronger. I wish there were more of these friends, but I know there aren’t any. All these weeks later, I think I’ve simply given up on everyone else.

I’ll remember this moment for a very long time.

So, yes, right now, I’m thankful for my community of (mostly but not exclusively) other Jews. I tweeted on October 11 that I know I shouldn’t live in a bubble, and that I should expose myself to other viewpoints and perspectives and types of people. But I like living in a bubble, and that becomes truer each and every day. I’m thankful for our likemindedness and unity during such difficult times. We’re definitely on the right side here.

With all this in mind, because it’s Thanksgiving, I just want to say I’m also thankful for:

• My friends in Israel who are staying safe and are providing constant updates about how they’re doing and what life is like over there right now. And an extra thank you to those friends with family members in the IDF who are defending the country
• My alma mater, Brandeis University, and its president, Ron Liebowitz, for their moral clarity and leadership
• The Newton/Brookline general area, for being a relatively safe place to live as a Jewish person
• Tal Raviv, Hen Mazzig, Noa Tishby, Lee Kern, Eitan Chitayat, and other influencers and content creators, whose voices and social posts I’ve appreciated and have been amplifying a lot lately
• My parents, who brought me and my sister to Israel in 1986, when I was 11 years old. I recently digitized our home video from that trip, and while it’s not great footage, I’m thankful I have it
• Jonathan Conricus and Eylon Levy, Israeli military and government spokespeople who are role models for their patience, firmness, and ability to stay on-message, despite the obvious agenda and/or bias of the world’s media
• The heroes who saved lives on October 7 and lived to tell the tale
• Every single one of the estimated 290,000 people who attended the March for Israel in Washington, D.C., on November 14. I wish I was able to be there, too, but thankfully, I was able to be one of the more than 250,000 additional people who watched via livestream. That day made me very proud to be a Jew
• Dan Senor and Saul Singer, whose new book, The Genius of Israel, has been an inspiring and optimistic read so far, and a much needed endorsement of why Israel needs to be defended so vigorously
• Famous Jewish folks like Mayim Bialik, Brett Gelman, Debra Messing, Julianna Margulies, Kevin Youkilis, Josh Malina, Donny Deutsch, and Michael Rapaport, who have used their public platforms to speak up in defense of Israel and the Jewish people, and to call out antisemitism and hypocrisy
• Companies — like EPAM Systems — that have taken a stand in support of Israel
• Organizations like Magen David Adom and Israel Friends that are worthy of financial support
• The mute, hide, and unfollow options on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter

To all these people, places, and things, I say thank you. And Am Yisrael Chai.

(Just for the record, I do have sympathy for the Palestinian people — specifically, the innocent, non-Hamas-supporting ones, who have been used as human shields and pawns by a terrorist organization for many years. As Naomi Greenspan wrote last week, they are one of the seven tragedies that took place on October 7. But my post was not about them.)

Alright. It’s sometimes hard to remember these days, but there is more to life than what’s going on in and related to Israel. And so, allow me to share some additional people, places, and things I’m giving thanks for this year, in no particular order:

• Shrinking
• Weekends 
• That Barbie and Oppenheimer are both as good as they are, so they were worthy of all that hype
• Those times when my father’s personality shines through, whether he’s cracking a joke, eating ice cream or a chocolate chip cookie, or talking sports or stocks
• My new car
• The “Baby’s first Christmas” story in Alex Edelman’s Just for Us
• My sister and brother-in-law
• Episode 6 of Fleishman Is in Trouble
• All the doctors, nurses, aides, physical and occupational therapists, and home helpers who’ve taken care of both my parents this year, including, but not limited to: Rose, Jasmine, Myrtle, Janelle, Ruth, Michelle, Beth, Sharon, Karen, and Rachelle
• The Lone Bellow’s new live album
• My mother, and the fact that she finally agreed to get a new box spring for her bed
• My new couch
• Michigan City, Indiana
• The Bear
• My new upstairs neighbor, and the fact that he’s a normal adult person: He’s awake during typical adult hours and goes to an office some days of the week, and doesn’t make excessive amounts of noise at random times
• Abby, Marc, and Ian, just for being them
• That, when I finally tested positive for COVID-19 this summer, even though it was annoying and it hit me significantly enough, it still was not a serious case and I was able to get over it relatively quickly (thank you, science, for developing a vaccine!)
• The dipping sauce at Raising Cane’s
• Michael J. Fox and the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research
• That I was able to see Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band in concert twice this year in the Boston area, in March and then again in August, and that neither show was postponed because of illness or other health issues. Who knows how many more chances I’m gonna get to do that
• Bifocals
• Ryan and the staff at Vignetos in Weston, Florida
• That, in spite of everything you-know-who has done to ruin the user experience, and despite many people not using it as actively as they used to (if at all), and despite it being full of hate speech and disinformation, Twitter still exists — and yes, it will always be Twitter to me (I know, I know)
• The end of the WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes, and that the writers’ and actors’ unions both got good deals
• That I got some of my writing mojo back this year and have been blogging more actively than I had been doing in years
• Kaitlan Collins
• The blondies at Sandwich Works in Newton Centre
• You, for reading this blog post all the way to the end

Thank you for everything. And Happy Thanksgiving.

What are you thankful for this year?

(Photo credit: Ricardo Gomez Angel/Unsplash)