Older, But Not Where I Was (That’s a Good Thing)

Earlier this year, in the instant-classic third episode of HBO’s The Last of Us, Murray Bartlett’s Frank said what was one of the most memorable lines of the entire TV season: “Older means we’re still here.”

At the time he said it, Frank was trying to comfort his partner, Bill (Nick Offerman), after Bill lamented that he was getting older too quickly. Frank’s point was that, in the show’s post-apocalyptic world, it wasn’t about being older. Simply surviving, and still being there together, was the important part.

Context aside, the line has stayed with me ever since I heard it. And today, as I celebrate another birthday, it’s top of mind again.

“Older means we’re still here.”

To me, this year, the line has something of a dual meaning. On the one hand, the more literal reading refers to the fact that I’m now 49 years old (yes, really), and I’m able to mark this milestone — a not insignificant thing, considering we’ve just come through a global pandemic.

My health is more or less the same as it was before the pandemic, and as of this writing, I’ve still never tested positive for COVID. Definitely cause for celebration.

But taken a little bit less literally, where exactly is “here”? What does it mean to be “still here”?

The thing about having a birthday in early June, and living in Boston, is that it’s right at the inflection point of the year, the time when the seasons change and life seems to begin again after an extended period of cold and stagnancy. In my annual birthday blog posts, I often write about restarting my life or being frustrated with how things are going. And that’s usually because, typically, things are kinda meh during the first five-plus months of the year, so that’s the kind of mindset I’m in at the beginning of June as I take stock and reflect on the “state of the state.”

Given the way life has been these last three years, with the lockdown, and then the hope of getting back to normal, and then the disappointment of another surge, and the general state of the world as it is, you might think it’s the same ole story today. Well, this year, I’m happy to say that I’m celebrating not just another birthday, but the fact that I’m in a different place, mentally, than I typically am on this day. After the last three years, I’m not “still here”; I’m in a better place.

My 48th year (alright, fine. If you want to be technical, it was my 49th year) was actually, generally, a good one from start to finish. Since my last birthday, I traveled — yes, to Florida, but also to New York, Cape Cod, Chicago, and Cleveland. I saw multiple shows in Boston and on Broadway, lots of movies (more in this first half of 2023 than I usually see in the first half of the year), and a bunch of concerts (including Jamie Cullum back in the U.S. for the first time since 2015 and Bruce Springsteen back again with the E Street Band). I watched a lot of great TV. I celebrated at three bat mitzvahs, a wedding, my 30-year high school reunion, and other occasions. I met actors and directors and comedians — the Governor of Massachusetts, too. I went to new places and tried new things, and returned to places I hadn’t been to in years. I shared good times with friends and family, including some folks I hadn’t seen in person in a very long time. I started blogging again with some regularity. With COVID numbers way way down, I’ve felt comfortable enough to stop wearing a mask most everywhere, have been more spontaneous, and (for better and worse) have settled back into my old routines. Welcome back to “normal.”

In short, over the last 12 months, I’ve had a life, and it was a lot more fun than it had been in a while.

Sure, it wasn’t all great. The good things have been balanced by my constant concern about my parents’ health. We’ve had some tough times. For example, my Thanksgiving week was one I’d rather forget.

But overall, when I think about “still here” this year, I have to pause, because I don’t think I’m in the same place right now that I usually am on this day. And that’s a good thing.

Older, yes. And that is what it is. But as I turn 49 years old today, I’m celebrating not just the passage of time, but the end of what was a very enjoyable year overall. Thank you, life, for that. Here’s to more fun in these next 12 months. 

Happy birthday to me!

(Photo credit: Fallon Michael on Unsplash)